The Self-Abandoning Trauma Mama

You learned that connection came from being agreeable, attuned, and low-maintenance. Your needs were often secondary to others’ emotions, so you became skilled at reading the room, smoothing things over, and disappearing inside relationships.

In motherhood, this can look like chronic guilt, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of upsetting your child, and losing yourself in the role of “good mom.” You may appear calm on the outside while feeling invisible or disconnected inside.

You didn’t choose to abandon yourself—you learned it was the price of belonging.

What you needed then:
You needed unconditional acceptance. You needed to know that your needs and feelings mattered just as much as anyone else’s.

What you need now:
You need reconnection with yourself—your limits, desires, and voice. You need safety in saying no, resting, and being imperfect. Healing for you is not about becoming less caring; it’s about becoming included in your own care.